scratchy. car. 5.30. 20november2013. 2days before ging back so sarawak

my hand are shaking until now. smoked hard. cant forget the feeling. cant explain in any words. shocking. afraid. ill went to arnie's house and picked her up. we're going to pick up hyerwana infront of the waterfront near Hyatt hotel. and met awang and ika at tg. aru beach 2. im really shaking. im feeling like im losing my hand. i cant imagine if im dying .... no. i cant imagine. my dream. my future. my plan. will be gone forever. its 2days before going back continuing my studies. i never gonna tell this to any of my friends. except if it felt so heavy in my heart and i gotta tell that someone about this. someone who really understand me. someone who really loves me. understand me. feel me. after that we went to tg.aru to have dinner with arnie and hyer. hyer was so hungry. as i am too.. havent eat rice this 2-3 days. and i eat less than half of quater rice with satay and chicken bbq. drank 2 glass of coffee. hoping that the caffeine would calm me down. smoked. but it doesnt work. im going to have a good tight and well sleep tonight. hoping tomorrow will be better. ive gotta picked up wahida at the terminal. and pick her stuff. after that send hyer's bag to Hyatt hotel. and pick aunty and moms at the airport. today is the day that i will never gonna forget ever. i'll bury deep in my heart. how i felt today, and maybe almost died. im feeling bad about it. some electrical flow through my blood keep me shaking. again and again.. i never ever forget. and this person just remembered about me. before 2days. that ive been waiting for him to call for a stay up night movie. but i dont mind either. because he is working hard. and maybe he got an big event for this end of year. this year, i''ll go nowhere overseas. as my mum will go vietnam again and united kingdom to pay a visit to her pals there. so enjoy mum. i saving my pocket money to travel this world. it was my big dream that i;ll go for a tour. but i hope that i''ll not going alone. maybe friends or someone that will be there all the time, and maybe stay for the rest of mylife forever. i would love to travel the world especially with the loved ones. and i gotta stop here. gotta go sleep early coz will send hyer at 4am in the morning for temporary work. love you. muahxoxo