i am who I AM

i am who I AM

Monday, April 21, 2014

Family misunderstood. my own blood kill my body.

hi. yeah, today i'll share the most valuable things i own in this world that is Family. enough with the story of family on my dad's. now i started too talk about my mum's side. and whoever in my family read what ive wrote, i want u to know that even im just a daughter , student, or even unemployed people , i still have the rights to say about this agenda. yeah, i know im not the riches people, even i may have not have the rights to talk about it, but im still apart of this family. so lets start again.

Asnah binti Sulah, know as Mami, she was my mum's sister. and my aunt. she have 3 sons which 2 of them already have their own family. and a daughter that already married last year in 2013. she was divorce with his ex husband. i have live my life with her since my second brother born. so she leave a big impact for me that nowadays she fighting with unknown disease. her blood went missing even after 3 pain or let say blood bags had been transfer to her body. and the things is she already menopause. so do u have any idea where the 3 blood bags gone after 3 days went missing? i know. u will not know. she been sick for 3 years. yeah after spm, i did take care for her until i continue my study abroad. ive stop. but still im asking for her. how did she everyday. and then yeah, her children are all being busy. no one wanted to take care or even want to help searching for cure.. maybe there is, but so many reason made they all refuse. other than have your own family, your mom is still the important things.. without her, your NOTHING.


yeah, this msj i get it from my cousin. she post it and refer to my mum because my mum's status saying that "tidak guna juga ada ank buah n menantu doktor tp x pernah mjenguk"

seriously dear cousin, have u ever come and visit her? have u seen her smile? have u know that she cant even walk on her own? have u lose your brain?.. shes once feed u, taking care of u when u still a little girl. she taking care of your siblings. even wash your clothes, doesnt even bored the whole days.. even im in sarawak always thinking of this. please. dear allah, give this people the truth. throw the dark side. i love my family. and yeah, im lying if i dont crying because of this. im not blaming you. but for me, when it comes to someone real close to your blood, you should think before u post that. its my mum who u'll talk too. you are both a teacher, why should u talk to people older than u like that? did u still feel respect?... yeah, i know its wrong ths my mum post it, but think the other side? why she post like that after 3years?....

did u ever calculate how many money shes paying for the hospital bills? how about my mum's master study?.. have u ever ask her is she fine?... not even a cent, not even ask and not even paying A VISIT. my mum have to postponed all her subject because she wan to balance of paying all debts. dont talk about my dad, of course he dont want to help even he now, INSAF. go learn al-Quran and all islams things..

well dear cousin, i think you should think twice.....not only twice but frequently, was it worth to post it like that ? this is like u betray and fight to your own father. my mum is your dad's sister.. the live together since childhood. will your dad support this? no.

im feeling like my family would fall on to world war after this. yeah of course im sad. i know Allah did this so that we all can be reunite again. yeah i dont care if this 'fight' can make aunty cured.  im praying and hoping one day, this thing can all be finished.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Blok 3. Level 4. The Roomates :) 0406

so hiiiiiiiiiiiii. firstly yeahhh, hi again..! hahahha.. kidding. feel lonely. so i wanna story about this things. THE ROOMATES which crew were Haanii Lorea aka KINGKING and Delvina aka AGIK and Stephenie Jane aka BABY and Thea Negina aka DEDEK. so we are all 19 years old. Del is the oldiest which born on 9 January. as i remember. i'll edit if wrong dont be made. the second one is Thea which born on 8 February. third one is Jane that is 29 April. so the last one would be me 29 june. which is coming soon. so afraid of what my batch are capable of. some of them have awarded in acting. kiukiu @ hiuhiu. so yeah, i miss them, especially si del ni. because i sleep with her the whole sem.. shes the one that i can hug at night. rather than jane and thea. and del is more cuter ! <3 a="" actually="" and="" asked="" at="" be="" because="" bed="" bottom.="" but="" decided="" dehydrated="" del="" double-dekker="" drink="" empty="" fan.="" feel="" first="" floor.="" giving="" hahahaha="" hot="" i="" im="" is="" it="" its="" lack="" ll="" lot="" me.="" next="" of="" p="" reason="" refuse="" share="" she="" sleep="" so="" still="" supposed="" thankful="" the="" there.="" to="" top="" u="" wanted="" water.="" we="" which="" will="" with="">
Thea and Del were in the A class. which left Jane and me in the same class. *B class* well, class A is more concentrate and more clever than B class which are less focus and more naughty. so we r balanced. :)

ive once fight with thea in this sem which caused me 1 week not talking to her even though we r roommates. the second one, the crises including the 3 of of em. Thea, Mondaley and Ivan. so how am i related? jane and i was the only girl that are so close to mondaley no matter what. but thea also sleep with us. so she made a gab between us. this is too much. that made us arguing to each other.so im doing the slow talk to her while del going home. and its succeed. from that moment i try to keep a distance to thea so she will feel comfortable.

so since jane busy with mondaley, i keep on busy myself. until del came and keep the surroundings warm for me. so i keep close to her. never think in my brain of she. yeahh, we've become closer each day. every where i go i ask her to join. infact, she always teach me to play guitar. sometimes i help her clean up her messy table. and our cupboard always been a dumping area xD hahaha. funny ! i always think of her if she not around me. until this time, i merajuk at her because she not going to sleep me like 2days. hahahaha fuck off !! the second time i cry at uitm is when im talking to her in the middle of night because i missed my mum.. hahaha SHIT. well, the first one because of i missed my mum juga, but i dont show which it was in 2.30am in the morning. of coz my roomates already sleep. hehe :D

i am strong about anything. but when it reach my sadness which i can say like someone put a bullet throught my heart, i'll burst to tears. a day before my flight, once again ive cried infront of del. that is so embarrassing..>!!! so shit, damn it... i think it because i hold my tears before, because she always told me, *mesti sy rindu kau masa cuti sem nanti* so sy tahan hati saja la.. smpai reached limit that day, i cried. like omg ..!! like a child missing in the market searching for his mom. damn it. i miss you DELVINA. hoping to sleep with you again next sem :) see u.



Saturday, April 19, 2014

long holiday or short one? :[

Helllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo guys..!! is really been 4 month is it? hahaha..!! well yeah since last christmas.. after xmas, ive been participated in organizing the Majlis Suai Kenal MSK which everysem they throw out to be hmmmmm well-suck-party for junior. but so big party for the senior.. and then  we got fsr family day which we supposed to win if my batch combined. :D but sadly,we have been separated to 2 group. so the points also decrease. x.x at least we give them the best shot of what we are capable of... so yeah, and then we have health promotion and wellness programme which our marks would be taken. leave me so half dead to make sure this programme succeed. kiukiu !! what make me so sad lg is i dont even ave the chance on the day it performed. i ,hardly forced my body went to the airport at dawn at the same day this programme held.. and i heard it was so successful. even many of my seniors are jealous. many lectures give positive feed back. then sukipt... yeah, another tough situation, another hard decision but i managed to pick up 3 bronze. sukan ipt is the higher level of sport competiion in malaysia. if u won, u'll get to go for Asian University Games..

after i came back to sarawak, wow ! i saw n i feel all of my friends get mad, sad, exhausted and so on because there will be a CAMPING. well, i already known this fact since xmas holiday. but i dont want to tell my friend because afraid they will give up. and again, we all together succeed in this tough situation. because of this camping, i almost forgot my academic studies. camping was held 2 weeks before final. which lead us to a *last minute * work for all my assgment. but then i also managed to finish it earlier than the other. i dont want to hold the work because afraid it will affect any of my brain performance (stress). exercise physiology last test 1 and 2 has been done a day before sport history final exam paper. the most stress feeling and so zero stamina of physical. also, ive changed my mind set and try to enjoy it which in the end, i can understand all the chapters. applause to me . and i am proud of my self because i still can answer my final exam even though get a dizzy sleepy head in the morning. hoping i can stay maintain my 3. pointer this 2 sem. so next june i'll continue my third semester. hopefully no repeat subject. :)

so here now, thats just a short story i can tell. because there are so many thing ive done which i cant list each one of them. so yeah, NOW ! im at home. today was the fifth day im in Keningau sabah. i have done visit half of my relatives here. and also meet my classmate-long-lost-soul at 10pm until 11.50pm. yeah..!! i know its crazy. well, accept the fact that im 19. im growing up. so please dont make me so annoyed or fed up w u. *uknowwho* hate being control. yeahh that me. the most stubborn child in this family. which until now make me love myself. sorry being so selfish. hahaha.. yeahh so everybody having a long break holiday. but me? ah ah, its a short holiday... im back in sabah from sarawak was on 15april. on the 24 april i will be on flight to KL. so before 24 i shud be in kk. and then after that on 27 i will go to Surabaya Indonesia for sukma training. will be 2weeks there and then direct go to perlis again, will train for few days or a week. and after that Sukma get started... will end around 4/5 June which i have to back sarawak before 9 June. my class will start on monday, and i want to go back early as usual because i dont want to rush, in addition i have not know will i get hostel or not. so better go here early so everything can be solve earlier. and i can continue my studies with open heart. imagine how tired i am? :) i know.. i actually love this kind of activities. come back home but only to see them. and travel again, maybe by joining a games so i can learn something in holidays. at least i can exercise and keep my body fit. and then back to sarawak to continue studies and also MEET MY LOVELY sr family and FRIENDS...!! shit, i miss them so much. <3 and="" care="" guys="" i="" miss="" much="" mwuahhhxoxo="" p="" so="" take="" you="">