i am who I AM

i am who I AM

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

scratchy. car. 5.30. 20november2013. 2days before ging back so sarawak

my hand are shaking until now. smoked hard. cant forget the feeling. cant explain in any words. shocking. afraid. ill went to arnie's house and picked her up. we're going to pick up hyerwana infront of the waterfront near Hyatt hotel. and met awang and ika at tg. aru beach 2. im really shaking. im feeling like im losing my hand. i cant imagine if im dying .... no. i cant imagine. my dream. my future. my plan. will be gone forever. its 2days before going back continuing my studies. i never gonna tell this to any of my friends. except if it felt so heavy in my heart and i gotta tell that someone about this. someone who really understand me. someone who really loves me. understand me. feel me. after that we went to tg.aru to have dinner with arnie and hyer. hyer was so hungry. as i am too.. havent eat rice this 2-3 days. and i eat less than half of quater rice with satay and chicken bbq. drank 2 glass of coffee. hoping that the caffeine would calm me down. smoked. but it doesnt work. im going to have a good tight and well sleep tonight. hoping tomorrow will be better. ive gotta picked up wahida at the terminal. and pick her stuff. after that send hyer's bag to Hyatt hotel. and pick aunty and moms at the airport. today is the day that i will never gonna forget ever. i'll bury deep in my heart. how i felt today, and maybe almost died. im feeling bad about it. some electrical flow through my blood keep me shaking. again and again.. i never ever forget. and this person just remembered about me. before 2days. that ive been waiting for him to call for a stay up night movie. but i dont mind either. because he is working hard. and maybe he got an big event for this end of year. this year, i''ll go nowhere overseas. as my mum will go vietnam again and united kingdom to pay a visit to her pals there. so enjoy mum. i saving my pocket money to travel this world. it was my big dream that i;ll go for a tour. but i hope that i''ll not going alone. maybe friends or someone that will be there all the time, and maybe stay for the rest of mylife forever. i would love to travel the world especially with the loved ones. and i gotta stop here. gotta go sleep early coz will send hyer at 4am in the morning for temporary work. love you. muahxoxo

count down 2 days left before going back to CAMPUS life at Sarawak.

i spent 2weeks before going back to sarawak in kk. because i wanted to be alone. wanted to stand over my feet. wanted my privacy to upgrade. until yesterday my dad and siblings went here in Ganang Villa. im just okay with that. that supposely wanted to stay the rest ofmy holiday with me. but i hate it. because i know theres something i dont like will happen. as i though it would be, and now its going to be real. ogy my younger sister just said dad wanted to buy some clothes and spend money to me. and i felt theres something wrong. and yet, im correct. he wanted me to help him catch the pukonsa i-dont-know fucking sheet for him. i said i hate to be like you. i dont want to help. i dont want u pay for me and in exchange helping you with that kinda of shit asshole. fuck you i hate it. here some things i wanna keep clear. you as a dad, suppose to pay for my studies. and i as a child, will help you as my dad. but i already keep clear that i hate it when u gave me money to help you with this. really really fucking hate it till the last breath of my life. i know im growing up eating your money but thats up to you. yet i know, i just need to eat, sleep, studies and hardly find a job. with that i just nearly to get my job and will go far away  but i still wanted to give my parents money. even they dont want it.. :) gotta go. bye muahxoxox

Saturday, November 9, 2013

SAPI ISLAND November 6 '2013

This is us. the memories written in November 6 2013. with Arnie Hernani Charles. Gemma Kyla Jemandan. Md. Azamuddin bin Izan. and Md Sufie Kudien. and ofcourse me Haanii Lorea Hyacinth Md Azmi. :D
we start our trip at 7am. they pick me up at ganang ville. and then we went to bean house to pick up some stuff and going to his mom change the car. so we stopped at Pasar depan waterfront (forgot its name) searching for foods to eat for breakfast and lunch. and we go by feet to Jesselton Point. we already booked a trip so its cheaper rm32 per head with snorkeling. we had so much fun. we the craziest one. even the story about komodo still haunted us. LOL imagine a komodo beside u while u play with the sands. hell yeah. and the dugong.. omg, the dugong has white skin. ohwell only us knew the story behind every picture :) <3 guys="" p="" you="">

Archery First Circuit and Open Tournament was held in TERENGGANU

okay ! here a things about terengganu. the KEROPOK LEKOR was damn delicious. xD and other foods. considered okay for me.. hahaha well, this is my first archery tournament this year. and still, my performance was bad. all form was disaster. i dont know. i just enjoyed the game. in addition i had the chance shooting in a team with SEA GAME PLAYER. Saritha Cham Nong. shes currently studying human development in University  Putra Malaya. ive learned so much while shooting. tournament is good for competite but also good for you to ask what u wanna know to the experienced archers. how to improve. whats effect the wind and body posture. the concentration and breathing. also mindset and target. wanna know something ? u cant be professional in a short time. even a korean archer need 2years minimum to learn the basic nonstop. u need atleast 5years to improve and 10 years to be a champion. there will be a graph of your performance. sometime u goes down, sometimes u go up high. its not that simple. thats why i am now put this archery to be the major of life sports..  its kinda complicated but i love this game. really test our physical and mental. if u dont trust me, try some. see how it goes in you. HAHA *evil laugh* here some of my pic in TERENGGANU
 with mum

 masjid kristal

  bas unisza

   airport with mum

   double sit bicycle

   teruk punya score

   mum at masjid kristal

  my archery coach <3 :="" charley="" chia="" p="">
 dinner with aiskrim goreng


   teammate forever


 with the champion and sea game player

 cola iced#airasia#going back sabah

Happy Wedding Day. Dear Cousin : Nextedna with husband Ramzuan

ive spent like 4-5 days for this event. last day before the wedding i slept at 1am in the morning. u know u look beautiful in your wedding day. i drive her from saloon to her wedding :) here some pictures to describe the wedding :)

Chapter 1. Semester 1. First campus life. Experiences. :)

well hello guys !! i know im annoying but i dont care. i still want to write about my happy silly crazy sad lonely exhausting experienced food campus life there... xD HAHAHA
 well i think i wanna start with the first event that ive been throught which is the hardest one among the other.
its about CAMPING. not the easy happy enjoy chill fun camping. its a LEADERSHIP + INTRO + FINAL camp. the hardest and scary things i knew it is as i heard from seniors and lectures. we have to set a meeting every 3days of progression started at 8pm-11.30pm with a scary haunted madness of our seniors voices. no words can describe the feeling condition situation of it. only me myself experienced it. its our camping and we have to set it all from the beginning till the end with the conduct of our seniors and lectures. we have to send all kind of letter to all kind of people -,- i just dont know how to explain. its to many letter we have to give. we find our own sponsers. we bought our own things to bring there. seniors are instructors which we have to called DATUK and DATIN like all the time except classes. even they talking to keep us afraid and respect them. well I DO. i respect them as i want to be respected . this event went 5days 4night including the quarantine time. we are not allowed to bring any shampoo or body shampoo or brush and toothbrush and perfume also lotion and makeups and others. we have live in the camp site for 5 days without brush our teeth and shower our body.. they just told us to sit in the water to get our body refresh. so damn SHIT right ? but when my friends and i were chatting about this, we are having so much fun in good and bad condition along 5days. i volunteered to be vice captain once. with Wilson Joseph ^^.. also my classmate coursemate. he close to me.  we play frisbee together ! ive already kiss the ground full of mud. being tortured. push up, bridging and half squat every each time they wanted us to do. so we have no choices. i felt that i have to stay on and put efforts and hold it for my friends. all i think and my mindset goes to person called FRIENDS which is my batch and FSR FAMILY. i was in biro TTK that stand for Tugas-Tugas Khas. with azam,khal,sharon,azril,and era.. my group is number 10 which is ROTARY KAMBING. the sweetest name ever given to my group. HAHAHA well, gotta love it. my group member is Jackson Jingan, Fheleezhinie , Md Shahirul Nisam , Khairil Anwar and Nur Jannah... amazing. and im not gonna tell u details about em. HAHAHAHA better this way.. ive learned how to survive in the jungle, how to make up campsite, gadgets, food,water, fire and so on. actually i hate camping. since in high school. ive never packed and go to the camp like this. i always go to sports camp and centralized training. and its never gonna be the same with THIS KIND OF CAMP. ive learned many things and i gain many experiences. i wanted to thank all my seniors and lectures for giving me a lesson like this. i will never forget about it. even i always shared this knowledge with my friends in sabah. i want to tell this as bed time stories to my child next. :)
thankyou allah. thankyou lectures. thankyou seniors. thankyou family. thankyou friends. for all youve given to me. i am grateful this way. and happy :)
Love k. muahxoxo


hey. i have something new that i wanna tell u guys. i met them when i was studying my first semester :D HAHAHA. its FRISBEE.. long time ago, it only some kind of flying plate that people throw in any direction so the dog can run at catch it. but this time it goes different way. we play 7person in a group. 2group will fight. when u catch the discraft only get 10 second of stalling. u must throw it to your teammate and burst into your goal area. its made me sweating and running all the time. its kinda fun when u play with your friends. the more people the more fun you felt. there are seniors training and teach us how to play every evening 4-6. weekends we always go downtown field. its more fun !! i really have good time there. i felt more comfortable playing with the part4 senior and part 5 will be this next sem. feel sad that they gonna end earlier. theyve become sisters and brothers to me.. there are also from part2 but in small numbers. only few of them joined. compared to us, theres like 20+ joining this game.. well, since this game was played internationally it become my minor sports. one of the sports i can save money for the equipment :D hahahah lol xD well heres some pictures of it.

playing this on vacation or family trip or with friends was awesome. besides it make u run to catch it that can help u BURN FAT. 
Thank you for the article of FRISBEE.
this is now one of my new knowledge. 

hehe. sorry about last night

hey .. im sorry. kindda fell asleep early last night after akikah at my uncles house. :D well, where do i start now ? okay we start about today. 8.08am i woke up and took my shower. eating my breakfast and get ready to range but unfortunately haffie at lib keningau.. so i gotta wait til evening. while waiting , i finished read the book that dad lend me. in 2hours i have done reading, its about what challenge do a student faced. :D kindda interesting but some of the information i dont agree as i am now one of a university student (uitm sarawak) and then i sent aunty downtown meeting his friends and then straight went to haffies house. 2hours training. i think my upperbody has improve. the strength and power. but it is un consistency. need more practice and workouts. will continue my future in archery. even it parts of my life. :D so its raining and we shoot under the rain. ive advised haffie about taking diploma than stpm. stpm is hard. even many of my friend quit and being abandoned sitting at home onlining not even have an aim in their life. maybe not the big one. or they live to die.. so went back home after that, doing some fitness. ive jogging like 2km for half and hour. 3sets of push up. and bicep curl for upperbody muscles. the major muscle for archery is upperbody. so i gotta keep it fit to maintain my performance.. i wanted to be one of the athletes represent malaysia one day. even the new compound archer defeat me in Terengganu for the first circuit open archery competition this year.. like WTH my performance went down... i pick up some notes and realized what i need to work out to improve. after some workouts i took shower and dinner. noodles with egg and black rice (bubur beras hitam) with a glass of water and some grapes... gotta keep my health good. i dont wanna be sick.. its give me trouble or people around me.. so here i am after dinner. writing the memory of my simple daily life. :D
guess this is good bye.. wanna write other story :D see u ! muahxoxo

Friday, November 8, 2013

6weeks of holiday

well. HELLO :) moshi moshi. hola. hai. anyeong. hi. and everything !
its been awhile right ?... so here i am.. where do i start ? o.O toinkkkkk***
i've succeed to finished my semester 1 in diploma of sport study with flying colours. (i guess) because i cant believe i can passed final exam this way. its been hard time living with friends in the hostel. to many stuff i cant do well. but atleast im trying ? (just want to congrate myself) theres so much i need to write here and im gonna continue tonight after 'akikah' at my uncle house..  btw, im gonna tell u about mu pointer.. ITS 3.30 fffffffpppppppp i did it and reached 3pointer... itsokay if it cant reach the dekan anugerah. but for me this is just the beginning of my future. :D i never want to stop writing about how i lived here.... after the final exam, i went back to my hometown KENINGAU sabah for 6 weeks and gotta go back sarawak in 2 weeks more i think.... stop here and continue later ;* muahxoxo

Friday, August 9, 2013

Living in a field with FSR family.

FSR- stand for Faculty Sport Recreation. we've got our own faculty song. we also got our own faculty logo. and this faculty is a strong,funny,valueable, kind, caring community and people. i love my lecturer, my seniors and all my friends. i love FSR !!.. i cant tell by typing a long news or article or novels to describe. but i can show u our greatest moment

  fsr part 1 buka puasa tepi jalan

after class, hang out, playing frisbee

 lelaki time majlis suai kenal

msk with mazreca (seniorpart5)
 after finished MSK. few of us helping part2 washing washing late night at 11pm
buka puasa at kadai 1M. meja sambung, mcm kadai tu kami yg punya.
 with Jaisol, faidaus (boi) and shazril (dady)
lunchie with Kelly, Balqish, Ivan, Arnold and Jane at SUMMER MALL
 Balqish Zulaikha, Haanii Lorea , Thea Negina, Stephenie Jane, Azmina <3 class="separator" nbsp="" p="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
at serapi, in my room. sleep over guys !!

 I LOVE THEM FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. never thought someday we'll broke or something bad happen to one of us. saya sangat sayang kawan2 saya ni...!! may our friendship will last forever. cant imagine my campus life without you :)