i am who I AM

i am who I AM

Monday, August 27, 2012

monday as usual

yeahh. we are back to school :) happy but stressted. well, as spm candidates thats what i felt the whole 1year. stress !!! oh damn. today, in bio class we entered Inheritance for chapter 5. and Sir Roger was to slow on teaching us Biology. yeahh. i heard my tuition teacher bio class allready finished teach the whole chapter on her class. and mine was NOT. whatever it is. i dont know what just happened to me. i did crying for no reason. and why is that ...? what hurt the most..? ohh my rascal flatts band sang the song.. ohh, what hurt the mosttttt ~~ hmmm. i just CRIED FOR NO REASON. and the sad feelings occured everytime i played guitar. i dont know why !

Saturday, August 25, 2012

last saturday outing

hmmm. felt like dnt want to post anything.. but... i want too :) uhhh what craps im talking just nw..? forget it.. i got usually what im doing on saturday. nothing good or bad. it just i went out with Kacylina and found something about this girl. whatever, i dont want to think about it again. hmmmm. and we ate pizza but it taste awe-ful. omg ! im like, is that really a green chilli on my piece of pizza..? DAMN. then we went to kfc because of still wan to eat. :D and now im uploading all my old pictures after pmr at fb. taataa :)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

hi morning. my last good Friday

shhhhhhh. they were SLEEPING in the morning. hahaha.. hell yeahh. they awesome ! but i still felt lonely. i shouldnt buy this. ;( im afraid it will die soon. huhhhh ! how cute they are. okay, its my last good FRIDAY
. after this, im gonna study hard for spm. its 2month left. i must finish answer my exercise books. gotta be real hard. next week exam. and not even a clue from any teacher give us. damn ! im gonna be dead this time.... see u soon

4hamster :)

today i bought 4 hamster. well ! i was a bit upset after went to tamu keningau and didnt saw the pet-seller that sell guineapig last thursday. i bought 2 at tamu with rm10 each. after that i went to Jc Aquarium and i know this shop only sell fish but they sell hamster too and turtles, frog, and cages. i went there and bought hamster cage. i bought another 2hamster here. this is just because of upsetting that i cant buy guineapig today. so whatever ! i got 4hamster now. i wish i can manage to look after them. after i lost my first hamster last 2years. the bigger one i called KOJEK. the white-lightbrown i called LUNA. and the 2one, i cant pick a name for them. one is the smallest amongst them with black-white. and one with white-browngrey. i wish they can make me busy all the time. so i can decrease my bored freetime. :) i hope, next week, i find the pet-seller at tamu. so i can get my guinea pig rats. Grrrr xD iloveyou pets.


oh yeahh. i never get the time for typing yesterday. been busy ! at 2pm i went to register to do check-up on my teeth. last month my tooth become more sensitive.dentist said that it allready broke but not all of it. all my teeth were healthier but this one was not good at all. dentist said it must be removed but if i do so, it cant grow one to replaced it. fucking shizzzz tooth ! uhhh ! its been devided into 4parts. but only 1part has broke. the other was still good. dentist said again that theres no option for me unless removed it or just let it be like that. HELL. its hurt ! im not gonna make my smile ruin because of this tooth. what a damn ! mum said, just do the crowning, crowning means that get the broken replaced with another new one by not removed all parts of the tooth. like she did. i gotta make a new appoitment to her dentist. im not gonna kiss my husband with this broken tooth. HUH !. damn it. im gonna do the crowning. im gonna make my smile perfectly. i went back home after did survaying on my GuineaPigs. but theres no petshop selling it. just a damn things again. i know, today was a bad day. ;( see yaa

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

CYBER-chat life

ohhh godness ! this kind of topic was so terrible. please, underage people dont read it.

ohwell, where should i start..? hmm. i felt bored that night. so i try to find chatting web to improve my english and chat to overseas people. i went to this site Chatting.com. there were hundreds people everyday chatting there. the most famous topic is SEXS ! ohdamn. killing me ! cut my throat ! most of them were indians. and they like to talk about sex. like to have sex cam, sex chat, and sex life... why can i find this someone there..? i only found this freaking sex people. i dnt know how they lived everyday. i cannot imagine how they lived in their home. freak-out !!!! i know sex is important but why should they do this sex things on this chatting web..? hell man. u can do sex with real people in the pub. thats is the good way out of this. HUH ! stfu


im pretty sure that my aunty can go back home after 10days at the hospital dorm. i felt happy. Allah heard my voices. thank you Allah. i drove her back home. my mum and her only flower *daughter* wait us at home. i felt relieved. she was given her malaria medicine. hope she will get better after this. no more sickness. we celebrated hari raya as her daughter *mycousin* did open house. the villagers came and ate. yeahh, i really cried when i praying for her. she was just not the right person to fall ill. i was to sad seeing her down. uhh ! i know. anything can happen. moreover theres more story about me in this whole week. i hope to see u again.

family gather and the feelings *bunsit

well yeah. i know this story kindda boring but this is what i did today. im sorry, i didnt take any picture. my younger sister only snap 2 my pic and i didnt get it yet. hmm, i will tell you my condition now. im wearing Sukma official thirt with my green underwear, wearing black rantai , and dizzy head ! gosh im dying today.

i didnt feel the same feeling i got from the last few years. maybe because of my DEARmum didnt join us. yeahh ! the games that had been ready for us in no more fun...! this aint the same feeling. im so upset with this. i thought it will be good time with them. but its not ! uhhhh. last few years, when my mum joined the Angampun family was the greatest moment i only have. where we can gather all together with all my cousins, went to raya open house together, do some fun games including child and adult or married. when theres no war between us. when we were all happy gathering. the moment where all ive been waiting in a year is HARIRAYA. and i can meet with my closest cousins Aloha Dee-Afryna(kiko), Afniewatie(kuja), Herdawaty(nonong), Afif Fikree (boboy), altriekariste(anyong), altrimaystie(teng) and etc... yeahh ! they were the super VVIP closest to me. which is now, THEY DONT !.. yeahh. time changes all of them. some of it are not but over 70% they were. there is the time where my mum with kiko's mum Aunty Judy was laughing out loud. my lil bro play up with others. dads chit-chat outside. now, there wont be anymore. they were all grewing up and the things was changed. there my several aunt that act like they knew all the things messed-up the fun games. they being sok-tau-deh *indonstyle) on the games that had been decided. they changed the rules. which is i felt it become no more fun because there wont be any chalanges. freaking-ssss ! im totally being such a bad niece. and some of my married cousins become more serious which i felt arkward =,=''! this lead to be my second problems with them. i not felt this before. and they keeping asking why im not here and there when i didnt come to their programme. and keep asking to force me why ive been hiding from them. and IDC !

im spm candidates for this year 2012. and i allready made my decision how to make myself keep on constant health lungs and heart. but theres some unfinished problems that made me felt unright.

my mum had a fight with my dads family. how teribble isnt it..? be the first daughter. and be in between of them. i felt the pressure. until some of the night, i cry because of it. how can i handle this things in my ages..? there so many good moment we can felt together as a family if we tolerate and be humble. no over-racting, no jelousy,no backstabber,no show-off. we will be a better person in the family, right ? am i right..? am i wrong for saying all of this, Allah ? am i? AM I ?

it hurt me the most. dear dad, i dont want to have a fight with you every second in every time we talk. i hate to raise my mouth volume when i reply what your saying. i hate it. i wish you could be tolerate as many daddy in this world. i dont like you an myself. im stressted because of u. i know i can handle this. i can act on everyone eyes that i like to be with you. but my feelings totally different ! u screwed me. from the day i was born, did you sit by mums side and waiting for me..? or u regreting to have me. i know im not clever as i can be a doctor. and u always comparing me with others. why can u accept me as i am. dad, do u know how many dads out there need a baby ? but i saw u, dad. i saw u tends to like the 2nd and 3rd of yours child more than me. i knew i has no ability to say u like this. i knew that i should thank to you. but why cant u treat me like other dads treating their child. i still respect u now. i still love u now. but when will this things end..? when will u start to treat me nicely? when will u hear my deepest voice..? why u behave like selfish. IT HURT ME THE MOST. DAD, why u not defending mum..? why u let her upset..? u was her husband, u should protect her. give her safety. i know mum was strong that u cant fight. but i dont like my life gone this way. Im 17 and matured enough to say this. Allah, please make my dad the almost perfect dad for us. u acted annoyed to us, to all of your family. your money cant buy our feelings. even u give us all your money bank. its been 17years dad. why cant u realised ? what makes u behave like this..? i was too unhappy to feel this way about u,dad. Dad, i cant do anything unless pray for u. i felt wrong to say u like this.u keep acting cool but tu are'nt. long ago, u hit me with your belt. i still remember. i'll never forgot the moment when the belt hit on both of my legs. maybe it was for my experieanced but u made me phobia. i hate that i said i hate u. Sorry, i did make it. sorry i didnt be a good person and  meaningful daughter to u. i felt guilty for this. i hope u understand what im feeling now IF U SAW THIS. i could be speechles. LOVE dad.

am i being to emotional this time ? i think so. well this is what i felt on my life. it bother me a lot. thats why i try to spend my time on outdoors activities. i love to do it. this problems made me to be a strong person on my ages. i be the home-hater by all this time. i spend my time with friends and myself more than my family. i knew this is wrong. but i cant do anyting to make myself relieved and recover completely from this. or else, i may suicide myself because of my own family. ive been given the wrong definition of family in this whole entire of my life. and i wish to re-definition it.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Guinea Pig *rat family

im here again. talking bout something else.
guinea pig.
i wanna buy it, keep it save and look for it.
i love this cutie little rat :D
i hope it can ake my day brighter everday.
i hope it can be the most important of my biggest money in my life.
i allready found their home, i mean cage.
it costs me Rm79. and it looking really fun.
got the small house where they can sleep at the morning,
got this round tyre where they can exercising itself,
got a long ,colourful and round whole where they can climb and whatever,
got this transparent tube where i can keep their water.
i still wonder what name will be given to them.
i think of two names because i wanna buy one female and one male.
but gotta wait until this thursday on the market.
wish that same guy will carry the same animal to be sell.
i want to buy it for me.
i love it



its about hospital. urgggggh ! i really sad about my aunt. she was sick and was told to stay in there until she recover. pity ! on this raya month, she should be in her house with her children. eat eat some food. have a chit-chat on each other. laughing together. this time, Allah gave her the hardest one. i hope she wont fall for the fever tomorrow morning. so doctor will sign her report and come back home earlier. we want her to be with us. Eka, mum and i allready bought some food and things to make raya meal for open house tomorow. i gotta wake up before 6 and re'do what my mum did everyday. i gotta replace her. well, im the first daughter. who else that gonna take this responsibility..? my dad..? siblings..? and the om..? oh damn. they just screw up. i pray for a better tomorrow. please Allah. listen my praying here. Amin....

Allahuakhbar ~

Saturday, August 18, 2012

dear mr.Pet

Hello guys :)
How was your day..?
i felt not good.
i need someone to share my life.
but i dont really desprated for a boy.
i talk for a couple guys, they were totally different from what i espect to be.
i think this world is leak of the real man.
the real one who really know how to comfort a girl, accepting whatever happen on a girl.
on this century, guys love to have sex chat, or just playing around.
i tried to make friends form the internet.
non of them acting cool for me.
i tried to be good friends but they ask for something i dont need.
they dont get what i want.
i wanted someone who can stand beside me while im crying. give kisses when im alone, hug me when im down.
that someone who dont belong from my family.
who can play hide-seek with me. drive me to happiness. teach me how to live on this life. how to survive from people outthere.
i wish i can meet this someone guy one day.
even i cant make a bestfriend which i saw on movies that shared their life together.
dear God, u really give me the hardest time here.
i hope u give me someone who can shared mylife with these.
where can i find this someone..?
life does not going to be easy.
i know that.
i wish.
i got that someone.
i went to the market today.
i allready decided to buy a Guinea pig,, some kind of rat but looks like hamster.
i tried to make this pet as the someone that i really need.
but unluckly,
i dont 
see any of them sell this pet today *sundaymornng*
why..? why is this happen.
i have texted some of my friends but it doesnt work better.
i cant find the true friendship in this world again.
i was really upset on what this world life going on.
am i the only one who still keep on oldstyle lifes..?
where are you mr.Someone...?
i wish i can meet you someday.



this my new man for 2012. i wonder if there was another guy for me just like him in this world. i love him. his eyes was so calm, hir nose was cutieee, his completely sweet lips, his gorgeous hair, the way he dressed up, the way he smile. omg ! i just cant get out of this guy. he sing a song with his brown guitar which i wish i can get one. ohhh my tongue cant say a word. corey, when will you marry me,sweetheart..? <3 a="a" dreaming="dreaming" font="font" future="future" gives="gives" hahahaha="hahahaha" he="he" hell="hell" him..="him.." hmm="hmm" i="i" if="if" kiss="kiss" life...="life..." me="me" my="my" on="on" the="the" was="was" what="what" wonder="wonder">

2012 LIFE ..

well, HI THERE :).. i came back now since i got time more on onlining and studies. yeahh i know. its been errr 1year i didnt make any post at my blogger. i assume this is my diaries. i hope u can keep STFU your mouth after reading my blogg.. if u dont want to mess up with me. theres no one i can share my life now. TODAYS was HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI. and im just keep my ass on this blog other than celebrating it. Its my final year exam. after this, i would be free for 6month. i will spent my time for travelling the world so i can make my life more meaningful before my death which i dont know when. i hope i can travel after this. i like studies at school. but i dont really like exam. hate it ! which my parents will judge on me how stupid i am and compare with everyone. i tell u, im not born to be an idiot or a smart girl. Allah will control my life. i may be not like others succeed daughter, but i still know how to respect my parents. i knew, without them i wont be here at all. im thankful for that. i wish i can do the best for my SPM. i dont want any D on my result. C is good enough to make a step for university life. i hope i can archieve my target. 6A... i want to traget on this 6subject. i want it to be cool. i hope i can get this. OKAY ! forget bout it. im searching for my homeworks paper but i forgot where i put it. this gonna big problem. oh damn ASS ! i want to make it clear between this 2-3 days. moreover, i really HATE homeworks. it make me not comfortable at all and i wish to get a bottle of wine while doing it. HAHA. whatever. well, my life was totally different from last year (16yearsold 2011) i still maintain my weight, be a karatekas, be a squash player, and started to join archery... i broke my arm on 2010 at pernang national tournament *karate. so i decided to stop participate on that sport. i think i cant manage to success in squash game too. it was to late for me. theres other BIGSTAR whose play really hard. im just the beginner, i cant get medal. well, i choose archery for next year. i focused archery when i was chosen to represend KENINGAU for sabah games. my coach (CHARLEY CHIA) suggest me an idea. he wants me to participate on SUKMA PAHANG 2012. and i really made it. with my pathner CAMILLY CYNTHIA LOUIS. yeah! she was AWESOME. good body shape, sometimes crazy, eat a lot but i dont really take notis about her BOYFRIEND. haha xD well, idc. as long as she awesome !... on january2012, i met 8archer from KOREA. there were freaking good ! i like to communicate with them. they were great archer. even i cant defeat them. so, i was chosen for sukma archery team. but my performance was not good at all. it was going down. and i get the moral now. i know what to do after this. i wish i was good but it going worst. i know. but i get it now ! so wait for next few years. i gonna make this world look at me *whatthehellimtalkingnow?) i met my karatekas team at likas, and i was so sad. even i got fight with them last few years, but they still HATE me. i dont know why. u know, people made mistakes in their life. i am very disappointed with them. theres nothing between they and myself. just the memories. time has left so fast until they completely forgot about me. i represend sabah karate team since i was in primary school in 12 years old. how can they do this to me...? why cant they give me a simple 2 words *thank you*.. yeahh. they may thought that i messed it up. but they dont even think about me. selfish little human. our life was limited. why can they just forgive me even i didnt do anything wrong..? sad ending with karate stuff. i really hate that now. nothing i can get. so i stayed up with archery now. pretty good equipments. so expensive. but real fun. when tournaments come, we can relax at night. not to stress up our mind for competition. big shoping time. sing the time. no limit of food... not a hard rules for me. ILOVETHISGAMES. yeahh. i like to be an athletes than be a doctor that check-up on sick people. BORED ! after sukma ended in July, we're fasting time. now, its AUGUST :).. my spm on November. left in 2-3month for it. i was fighting for it. yeahh.. i want it.